“Run, she’s coming! Run.” Brittany would say to the group as they all darted toward the playground. “Do I chase after them? Or do I just walk away.”, I thought as I looked at them in silence. I slowly start walking towards them as they sit on the monkey bars. “We just want to be alone freak, leave! And never come back.”, Brittany said as she rolled her eyes at me. “Okay, sorry to bother you.” I said as I turned and started walking. None of the other girl stood up to Brittany in the clique because they know Brittany is too quick to judge so they all kept silent. I felt the tears starting to bundle up inside because this isn’t the first time this has happened. What do I do now? I can’t tell a teacher because then the girls will get in trouble and I will have to play with someone I don’t like. I don’t really have any other friends to be with. So I just sat in my hidden spot under the tree and put my hands over my eyes, trying to block the tears. If a teacher came around I would just say that I was counting in a game of hide and go seek with all the other girls. I just sat and waited till the bell rang. When that time came all of the other girls walked in a line with their arms locked together whispering and giggling, looking back at me. Alone.
March 5, 2009
I did have a great friend at school once. Her name was Jenna and she was the best friend I ever had at that school. Until, Brittany did not approve of Jenna hanging out with me. Brittany made Jenna feel more accepted in the clique then with me. She made her feel like she belonged with them. Brittany took Jenna away from me and left me alone in the dust. The worst part of all this was watching Jenna leave, because after Jenna left, she never came back.
Brittany manipulated Jenna to hate me and make fun of me behind my back. In no time Jenna was the ring leader’s assistant of the clique. Brittany and the girls used Jenna to hurt me and Jenna didn’t realize that until it was too late.
June 11, 2010
“The reason we tricked you into not going to the party was because we all hate you. Nobody even cares if you die right now, nobody has ever cared about you and nobody ever will. Just go kill yourself, so we don't ever have to look at you ever again.”, was the message I got from Jenna at the end of this year. This is where I lost it. This is when I realized that those girls were never my friends, they were always the enemy.
Brittany’s plan all along was to make me suffer and she knew the right girl for the job, one of my old best friends, Jenna. I don’t think Brittany knew it would go this far and I don’t think she realized how much this hurt.
I’m only a child, why am I going though all of this pain, this hurt.
I don’t see why I’m here and I don’t see how I can get out.
This was the last diary entire that Lily had ever written and it is the last one she will ever write. It was a dark, dreary day in late November as the leaves blew in the wind, I watched my sister lay in her casket with flowers and memories surrounding her. She was only 13 when she decided she had nothing else to live for. As I sit here and read her diary and see all of this pain, this suffering, drain out of it, I realized that I never knew or understood how unhappy she was and I never knew that this was happening or that it had gone this far. Lily wouldn't talk to me about it or to any of us all for that matter. She was always locked in her room and who knows what she did in there. By the end of the year, her sleeves were always long and her face was always dark but, now my sister is gone. She is gone because she was different. She is gone because she was herself.