"I like to be a free spirit. Some don't like that, but that's the way I am." - Princess Diana

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I Wonder If You Know How Much I Miss You.

 Authors Note:  I want to try different styles of writing to get my point across. I took a leap and tried to do more of a letter to show how much you don't realize what you have until it's gone. It is fiction, but I feel that it shows a lot of emotion. Just trying something new:)

Dear Matthew,

How could I not see? See the light that you shined. See that spark that you showed the world. How could I not know that you were nothing but faithful to me all this time? I was blinded by my own troubles and I couldn’t see that you were always there for me. I let you go and I feel as if I cannot ever get you back.

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was....goodbye.”-Taylor Swift

I wonder if you know how much, how much I miss you. I was too caught up in trying to find my self that you seemed no more than just a part of my life. Now that I look back on it, you were so much more and I could never see that. I could never see your kindness that only wanted to help me. Now as I sit in this corner, teary eyed, writing you this letter, I look back on how much you meant to me. You meant so much to me and I am sorry I'm only saying this to you now.

I am sorry, for that night that I left you alone. I couldn’t take all that was happening at the time. If I could relive that night, I would be nowhere but in your arms. I would be nowhere else but with you and you need to know that I am sorry. I am sorry for not realizing this sooner, sorry for not loving you the way you deserved.

Now all I ask is for your forgiveness. If you can find the strength to give me a second chance, I know I would love you right. I never realized that you were such a big part of my life, of me. My life was so much more complete when I was with you. I don’t know what you are doing or who you love, but I feel that you needed to know.  I should probably stop writing before my tears stain this page, but I just want to let you know............I still love you.


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Not a Child, But an "It"

 Author's Note: When you are neglected for so many years it isn't easy to regain trust in people again. This essay explains the story "A Child Called It" where a young boy was a victim of one of the worst child abuse cases in all California history. It shows my relations and thoughts for this book. I placed a lot of feeling and thought within this piece, enjoy.

 Not being loved: it is known to be some people’s biggest fear in life. Not being able to experience a hug when you really need one or encouraging words when they are needed most. When the people that surround you all have no respect for you at all.  What happens when that fear becomes a reality. In the autobiography, “A Child Called “It”” Dave Pelzer explains his life and how even thought he was severely abused as a child, he still kept hope that he would make it out alive. Even if it was a struggle getting to where you are today, the road ahead will all be worth it.

Being tortured for years by the cruel games that his alcoholic mother thought of made me want to stop and cry. Such as being placed on the hot gas stove or being locked in a gas chamber for several hours. He wasn’t fed, well, only the scraps of food on occasion. David couldn’t leave the cold, dark cellar in the basement until ordered. His clothes were torn and he came to school with multiple bruises. To his mom, David was not a child anymore: but an “It”.

Not having the childhood that this boy so rightly deserved was brutal to read. I feel that if I was him, I would have ended it all. I couldn’t go through with the dis-respect and beatings that his mother bestowed upon him. David felt that he couldn’t either but, he never lost hope. He never lost the courage to stay alive because he knew that one day he would escape from his mother: escape from this life that he was living. I can really relate to how David was feeling and that he needed to escape. Being neglected and not treated right is not how you want to look back and say that’s how my childhood was. Even though, going through those terrible life experiences like David did, you have it realize makes you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger for the road ahead.

No human on this earth, no matter what they have done, deserve to be treated the way David was. His mother placed his whole arm on a stove and just let it burn. She tormented him for her own sick satisfaction. All of this hate and rejection can take a toll on a child’s life when they grow up, if they even make it to be an adult. It can brutally hard a child’s self esteem and respect for ones self. In some parts of the book, David acknowledged how much he hated himself at the time. After living through that, wouldn’t it be hard to trust people again? His mother made sure all of the people in his world hated him. It must have been really hard trying to regain that trust with people again but, David did. His whole life he powered through and that’s what makes him an amazing role model today.

 Even though the road was hard to get to where he is today, he knew it would all be worth it. David is the ideal role model for any young adult because he took the terrible life that he was given and turned it around to being surrounded by people that love him. He has been given no hope or comfort for all this time but, he prayed and hoped that he would make it out. David made it out as a human, not an "It".

Friday, February 3, 2012

It Makes You Believe In Love Again

Author's Note: When a book makes you feel emotions like love, that you can only see in the movies, you know that it will be a good book. "Dear John", helps you believe that finding the one you are meant to be with isn't very hard and it feels so good when you are with them.

How do you know when she is the one? Is it when the first time you see her, you know you love her? When the first time you hold her in your arms you know you want it to last forever? When that spark between you is lit, you know nothing will blow out the flame. In the book “Dear John”,  the main character believes in love at first sight and knows its true between he and Savannah since the moment he laid eyes on her. Nicholas Sparks captures the spark between Savannah and John in a realistic way that only he can.

Is there always another option, another way to live? To John, there always was. After high-school he didn’t feel like there was much for him in his life. He didn’t think that he was worth going to collage or worth trying to impress anyone in his life. Can the high-school rebel get up and do something with his life? Is one of the questions he thought of, the next thing he thought of was the army. John thought that this could help him make him useful in this world of ours so, he enrolled himself to serve our country. John never had a very strong relationship with his father. There was never really a father-son-bond in between them. John’s dad has a very routine life. Same breakfast, work, lunch, and dinner everyday. He was very quiet and to himself. John’s dad never really talked and he never yelled if John was misbehaving. When John joined the army, he knew he would miss his dad deeply but that wasn’t his main concern. For some adults, leaving their families to join our armed forces is very difficult. It is never an easy task in the first place and once you are in the army, it isn’t easy leaving. After you sign the oath to defend your country, you cannot leave the army. You cannot just get up and walk out the door. You have to stay loyal and true to you decision and John did, until he met Savannah.

Some say love is an easy thing to fall into but, an even harder thing to get out of. Love is one of our most powerful emotions that feels so good, so blessed when it is bestowed upon us. That feeling is indescribable that even John, a tough, army solider can’t even describe. After being stationed in Germany, John returns home to his father in North Carolina for a couple of months break. One day when he was surfing, he runs into a group of college kids with a church group. He started talking to the group of people but the only person that stood out. She was a beautiful blond named Savannah. She was shy, quiet, but she honestly took your breath away. Savannah invited John to come to a bonfire at their beach house and him and Savannah really got to know each other. Right then and there, the flame was lit instantly. The flame of their relationship was everlasting over the weeks of summer where they got to know and love each other. Sparks makes the love between them seem so enchanting, so real, that you never want it to end. Their summer romance makes you want to believe in love at first sight and it makes you want to believe that it will last.

The summer is fleeing and John has to return to the war soon. John and Savannah both know that their relationship can be as romantic while John is away at war, so they decide to write letters back and forth. That all lasted for a really long time while he was over seas. One spring, John came back to the United States for a month. He visited Savannah while she was at collage and he spend a few weeks with his dad. His dad was growing older and weaker. John comes to believe that John’s father as Aspergers Syndrome and so do the doctors. John knows that when he goes back to the war he cannot just leave his dad alone. John has no other family and he can only think of one other option and that is placing his father in a nursing home. He hates to have to do this but, it’s his only other option. I can see where John is coming from. He feels so guilty that he wasn’t here for his dad all these years and he regrets it but, John is in the army now. Which is a promise he is intended to keep. John returns back to war and after a few months he receives a letter that leaves him heart-broken.

“Dear John,” Savannah writes as John realizes that this wasn’t a normal letter back and forth. It was a ‘Dear John’ Letter, a breakup letter. During world war 2 and other wars, if a woman was seeing someone else while their significant other was away in war, the woman would send a “Dear John” Letter.  After all they have been through this is what Savannah writes. She knew that it was the right thing to do and the letter was very heart-filled, explaining why this was happening. John doesn’t know how to react. And only a few months later John receives a phone called, informing him that his father has passed away. John returns home and he just breaks down. Wouldn’t you? You just lost the girl you thought you were going to marry someday and you just lost your father who you have come closer to over time. If I were John, I wouldn’t know what to do but, he did. After the funeral, he got in his car and started to drive. He ended up in Savannah’s town and went to her house. When he saw her face, he just stopped and stared and so did she. They haven’t seen each other in so long and so much has changed. Savannah was now married to her best friend that John knew and she was helping him and his brother, who has autism. Her husband has cancer and is in the hospital with his brother. John sees her pain and comforts her in her time of stress.  She knows that there is not much hope for her family so she leans on John for help. It was very sweet and heartwarming knowing that John was with Savannah in his time of need. It shows that there is always light for the ones that don’t think the future will be bright.

John and Savannah showed each other that there was more meaning to the life that they were living. That within life, love is real and that it is everlasting. Savannah shows him that there is hope for the lost loved ones. When John and Savannah were in love, Nicholas Sparks made their flame seem like it was never going to burn out. He created their love and made it so real that I never wanted to put this novel down. It makes you want to believe in love again and that's what made this book so enchanting.